Come Inside... its Cold

"This is Merchandise Mart"

I'm really happy that I had this meeting downtown this morning. I don't get to walk downtown in the cold as much as I used to. I can't believe that Jake wrote about crossing that bridge last week. I totally get what he means. This is gonna be awesome, its about 10 blocks to my meeeting. I love getting off the train early to walk outside.

Man, Its cold out here. I'm gonna shift over to La Salle so I can see the board of trade as I'm walking downtown. Here it is, come on in. Sit there, just there, behind my eyeballs. Do you feel that, the frost crystalyzing inside your nose. Don't pull up the scarf. Ok, relax the shoulders, and all the muscles, stop fighting the cold. Feel it. Really feel it. let is get right into your chest. Ok, now take a deep breath. really deep. use my nose and my mouth, YEAH! feel all the snot and moisture in your nose freeze right up.

Oh man, Steve, I wish you could feel this. You're down there in Georgia, and don't even know how awesome winter can be. Look up there at that statue on top of the Board of Trade. What is it. Is it a grotesque idol? A symbol of worship to money and man's greed. Or wait, is it a picture of mankind striving against the world, against circumstance, against the very curse that God has laid on us. What!, is that blashpemy! NO! Did he expect us to take it lying down? To just roll over and say. "Well earth, if you won't yield crops to me without effort than I'll just die" NO! I'm gonna work. HARD.

Ok, now we're walking, and the blood's pumping, and the cold on the outside is at war with the fire on the inside, and the no man's land is about an inch beneath my skin. Much closer to my heart than it usually is. But at least its still a battleground. All of the dead, lying cold in their graves, they've stopped fighting. What am I gonna do, wrap myself up tighter, try and ignore this wintery blast? No, you can wrap me tight when I'm six feet under the ground. I'm gonna fight this cold with blood, and life.

God! Why can't anyone else see this from in here. I'm never gonna be able to right all this down and really capture what I mean. About half way now. Don't really even feel the cold anymore, except on my nose, and my cheeks. Listen to that, thousands of cars. A million marching humans all around me, just strugling? Is it futile? Yes. Is it noble? Yes.

Man I love this. I don't get it. I don't understand why someone wouldn't want to live a thousand years on this beautiful earth. People are so quick to comfort the grieving. They say, death is natural. Fuck that! Death is wrong. I feel it in the fiber of my being. I hate it. I absolutely detest it. Jesus Wept.

I love this cold. Went camping just a couple of weeks ago. And for about 30 minutes, I felt it: this cold is deadly. You can't just lie down. You can't! I love walking it it. I love knowing that walking it is keeping me alive. How did I ever survive without winter? Winter teaches us. Yes, it can be depressing. So what! You can't be happy all the time. Its not about being happy. Its about being winter, so suck it up and quit your whining.

Large coffee.
Don't let it cool. Come on, take that little sip, and swallow too fast. DANG! Ouch! Hot Hot HOT. That was dumb. Don't do that again. Ahhhh. Right in the belly. Yum.